May 18, 2011

He is with me - but I am not with Him!

Do you ever have those days where you feel very disconnected? It might be from your spouse, kids, parents, or friends; it could also be from God. Lately, a lot of my days have been very disconnected and mostly from God. This somehow also leads me to be distant from everyone else, as well.

I can't pinpoint exactly what happened that knocked me off my path, but I haven't been on it in a very long time. It is hard for me to admit that because I am a very strong believer in faith and I know God is there to see me through whatever may come. But, lately I just don't have the relationship I need and want with our Savior - it is missing.

My house is a very busy place. Some days we meet each other coming and going while other days we do well to say hello. Yes, we realize this isn't healthy, but we do what we can when we can. My husband works very hard as a college professor and I am a substitute teacher for the county school system. We also have many other activities on top of our full-time jobs, but not any we are willing to give up because most of them have to do with church and/or our relationship with God. So - we press on in to our busy lives.

I have noticed lately that my husband is continuing to strengthen his relationship with God each day despite the growing busyness. While noticing this, I also realized mine is growing, didn't see that coming, or did I?!?

Since leaving Grant's Chapel in 2009, when my husband received his appointment as a bi-vocational pastor, I have been slipping further and further away from the faith and my relationship with God that I have known for so long. Because Charlie pastors two churches, I don't get the chance to attend Sunday School at either church. I didn't realize how much I missed that until recently. At Grant's our Sunday School class was a great time for fellowship, friendship, and sharing. Sometimes we made it to our lesson and sometimes the lesson came out of someones need or weekly event during class that particular day. Whatever happened, I was sure to leave there feeling empowered by the Holy Spirit and ready to face my week. I miss that feeling and the assurance that came from it.

I am now on a mission of my own to find what I have lost and get it back 10 fold. I need God on my side every minute of every day! But, I am not the type of person who can find that strength by studying the word alone. I want to fellowship with others who encounter the same struggles. I want to dig deep into God's word and will for my life with others who have the same yearning for him. I need to find peace and comfort in my daily life so I can show God's love to everyone I encounter daily.

I began looking at a Bible study yesterday called "Desperate Women of the Bible" by Jo Kaldecek. It is a study of the un-named women in the Bible and the trials they endured. Just one chapter into the book, I am anxious to lead a study group with this book. I am in the process of asking some friends if they would like to join me and beginning to put it together as I will teach it. Please pray for me as I make this journey to get back on my path and as I lead a study that I will bring someone else to their path or at least help them along the one they are already on.