February 26, 2010

Another bad day...

Lawson had another rough day today at daycare - the second on this week. Earlier in the week he was sent home for slapping a child and leaving marks on his back; today was for biting. He gets so frustrated and he doesn't know what to do with the frustration so, he takes it out on whoever is around him. Sometimes it is because they are touching his stuff, sometimes it is just because they are near.

I feel like it is out of control and I don't know what to do to stop it. We have an appointment with a therapist Tuesday but until then...what? I guess we just take it day by day. I will continue to take him to school and if I have to go get him then I will. It is just frustrating to have to close my shop, drive to Dandridge, and then figure out what I am going to do with him for the remainder of the day...today, he had to come back to the shop with me.

I know there is an answer to what is going on with him, I am just having a hard time waiting to find out that answer. I want to help him so he doesn't lose all his friends. He is four, I know, and they will forget, but I just feel like at this age, maybe they won't forget and he won't have any friends because he hits them all. I am probably overreacting, I do that often, but I just want him to be able to function with his peers without so much anger and frustration.

Keep praying for us. For Lawson, that he will understand why hitting is not ok. For me, that I will have the knowledge to help him understand. For Charlie, that he will keep the sanity to endure both me and Lawson...lol!

February 24, 2010


I made the decision over the weekend to sell Premier Designs Jewelry. I have prayed about it, discussed it with Charlie and I feel it is the right decision. I am also excited I will be signing up under a great friend, Monika; she will be my "Mommy" in Premier :)

I am excited about this opportunity because it will help our household greatly. We need a second income, even a small one, a lot right now. I know that God will lead me to the people I need in order to make this business a success.

I feel like things are getting back on track with life. Some days are still crazy, but that is never going to change. I just need to figure out how to make a happy balance in everything that goes on. I have to make myself understand that, even when life is hectic, I am still just one person and things will get done - in time.

Please join me March 19 at 7:00 for my kick-off show if you can! Feel free to bring a friend and bring an outfit you would like to accessorize. It is almost time to start pulling out those cute Spring/Summer clothes and new jewelry would spice up those already great pieces you love!

February 22, 2010

Prayers Please

It has been a busy weekend and also a very mentally tiring one. I know this will be a long blog and if you make it to the end, God bless you! I am mainly writing this for me as a way to get everything out but really appreciate your time to read it and say a prayer for me.

Friday morning Charlie left for local pastor's school at Buffalo Mt. in Johnson City. I always hate when he goes away for the weekend because I know I won't be able to sleep without him home. But, it is something he is passionate about and has to do, so I digress.

Friday afternoon was the beginning of my emotional turmoil. Because I was hosting a Pampered Chef show that evening, my plan was to leave work at 2 to go home and get the house cleaned up. Plans change...my sister, who is 20 weeks pregnant, called to say she was at Jeff Memorial but needed to go to Morristown Hamblen. She has had severe morning sickness since the beginning of her pregnancy and has been hospitalized once before because of this. I, of course, dropped everything and went to get her. I called her doctor and took her straight to their office where they made the decision to admit her due to severe dehydration and hyperemesis. So, I was at the hospital with her until 3:45 pm while they admitted her and got all the paperwork filled out.

I went straight from MHHS to Food City in Dandridge with the hopes of getting everything done I needed to before people started showing up at my house! I shopped, went to pick up Lawson, and made it home by shortly after 5:00 - people will be showing up in 45 minutes or less! Thank God for wonderful friends, Monika, who are willing to help you out in a tough situation. By the time I finally made it home, I was so frustrated and out of sorts I didn't know which way to turn. But, with some great help, everything was cleaned up and the party was a success!

Saturday morning started a whole new day of issues. I was originally scheduled to help a friend with her vow renewal that day but she told me a few weeks back she had everything under control and would not need my help. I still planned to go to the ceremony but had decided Friday evening that there really wasn't a way to swing it. Lawson would have to be taken care of and he was having a clingy weekend. So, I called her that morning to let her know I would not be there but my Dad was still planning to come play (piano) for the ceremony. Then came the "guilt" trip in her voice - I am a sucker and cannot stand for someone to be upset so, I told her I would do everything I could to be there...and I did! We left at 2:15 with the expectation we would arrive in Gatlinburg around 3:00 - 3:15. But, as we got to the beginning of the spur into G'burg traffic was stopped...completely! I frantically called Misty (the bride) so she could bring me in the back way. We arrived at the church at 3:45...wow what a trip. The ceremony was beautiful and I am glad I was able to attend.

As soon as the ceremony was over we headed back to Dandridge. Dad had a meeting and I was supposed to be at Monika's Premier Jewelry Kick-off Show that had began at 4:00. She helped me so much Friday night I could not have blown her off. I finally arrived at her house around 5:30 and am glad for it; it was a blast! I will be having my kick-off show March 19 (remember this date) and am very excited about it!

By Sunday morning I was done. I should have gone to church but I just needed some down time. Lawson and I woke up late but we both needed the extra rest anyway. We got up and laid around for a while then Wiley, Siara, Lawson and I went to the Flea Market; it was a great afternoon of no specific plans. Charlie called around 2:00 to let me know he was on the way home and we were going on a date...yay :)

So, Sunday evening was wonderful. Charlie got home and took me to Sevierville to Red Lobster. It was so nice to just get away from the world and spend some time with my hubby. I love him more everyday and sometimes I just need him to focus on us. We had a great time talking at dinner and then a fun trip to Wal-Mart (haha). Siara and Wiley kept Lawson so it was nice to just be the two of us. I thought everything was calming down at this point and Monday would bring a new, better, week.

This morning started out as normal. Lawson seemed to be in a good mood and had plenty of sleep. I took him to daycare and then came on to Jefferson City to run errands before opening the store. About 10:30 I got a phone call from daycare saying I needed to come pick up Lawson; he had gotten angry, smacked one of his classmates and left scratches on the other child's back. The beginning of another frustrating day.

I then called the insurance to have them authorize the therapist we have been referred to for his behavior problems. Unfortunately, he is not in our network so we had to be referred to someone else. It worked out though because the new therapist is in Jefferson City instead of Knoxville; it will be a lot easier to schedule his appointments so close to home. After cancelling the appointment I had today, I found out from that doctor that he is in fact a part of our insurance plan. But, I decided to keep the appointment with the local guy because they have authorized the sessions and I can see him also.

I have decided to see the therapist myself and I am glad I can see the same person as Lawson. I think this will help us both as he will know what is going on with us together and separately.

If you have made it this far...thank you! As I said before, most of this was just for me to have an outlet and get all of this off of me. Please be in prayer for me and Lawson as we begin therapy. I know God is taking care of us both and He will lead us to the right person to help us.

February 19, 2010

Religion...can't we all just get along?!?

As I was listening to the radio this morning I heard an interesting interview with author Mitch Albom. They were talking about his new book Have a Little Faith and why he wrote it; it was a very interesting story to hear.

In part of his interview he was talking about the many different religions out there today and some of the stereotypes that come along with following a certain religion. People hear Muslim and automatically assume "terrorist." They hear Christian and think "Bible beater." But, what is our main goal in our religion? Is it to love God or a god, to do good for others, to respect nature, to get to heaven or a better place?

Who is right? Are we all right? The problem today is people have no respect for others, especially if they do not share the same religious views. If I believe one thing and my neighbor something else, then we both believe the other is wrong and automatically some turmoil ensues. But, are we both wrong or right? Is there truly an answer out there?

Do we have to agree with everyone else's beliefs to be friends? Absolutely not! But, we do have to respect their beliefs in order for a friendship to work. Just because someone does not believe in God or heaven does not mean that are not a truly good person. Being a Christian, I believe we are put in people's lives because God wants us there to share Him with them. Maybe they feel the same way about the friendship - they have been placed there for a reason, but definitely not the same reason; maybe traits of each will rub off on the other and make both a better person.

It isn't about who is wrong or right - it is about respect for each other! So, when you meet someone new and find out they don't necessarily believe exactly what you believe - don't walk away. Talk to them and find out more about them than just their religion.

If we all believed the same things, life would be pretty dull!

February 18, 2010

Lawson's Appointment

Yesterday was Lawson's appointment with, what I thought, was a therapist. Come to find out, the woman we saw is actually a nurse practitioner with 30+ years experience with children. She specializes in behavioral disorders and has had her own practice for several years now. This was comforting but I was still a little skeptical when I met her.

After beginning to talk with her, I felt more at ease about being there. She was really easy to talk to and gave me some great advice on working with Lawson. She doesn't want to diagnose him with ADHD at this point, but said if she had to right now she would say he probably is; she said is overactive for a child his age. She refered us to a therapist who can begin some behavioral therapy at this point and I think this is a good start. I was glad she did not immediately want to put him on medication; I think the therapy will be good for both of us at this point.

I am still trying to find a therapist for myself as well. I still feel like I am not controlling my temper and frustration well and I need to work on it. As I have said before, I cannot help Lawson if I don't help myself first!

February 15, 2010

God IS working on me...but I have to work on myself, too

Since beginning to deal with some of the issues Lawson is having I have turned more toward God than I have in a long time - I hate to admit that, but it is true. I know that I cannot deal with Lawson on my own, and some days I feel like a single parent because Charlie is so busy. So, God being the ultimate healer and helper, I turned to Him. I can feel Him leading me in the right direction, but I know I have to put an effort into the situation, too.

I was finally able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist for Lawson. I first told you we began this process by seeing his pediatrician; I had hoped it would not take us this long but we will finally see this new doctor on Wednesday afternoon. 

I have noticed the past couple of weeks his attitude is getting more out of hand. He is still having problems at school and he is screaming/yelling at home. He will get frustrated, angry, upset, etc. when he is playing and that usually winds up in a tailspin of a tantrum. It is very frustrating for all involved!

I have noticed my own attitude the past couple of weeks and I have to say, he gets it honest. I have made the decision to also see a therapist myself and begin to deal with my own issues. I can't help him if I don't know how to help myself! I feel like I am losing control of myself more and more everyday. I am on edge, frustrated, agitated, easily upset, and the list goes on - the slightest thing can set me off just because I am so irritated lately. I know I am frustrating the household, not just myself, and that is not good for any part of the situation.

I found a great Podcast today and am very excited to share a specific one with you. It is called MommyCast and this was their 8th Podcast - I wish I had found it a long time ago! This one is specifically about them dealing with their children and ADHD. The one Mother is also dealing with Adult ADD and hearing this was such an inspiration! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope you had a wonderful day filled with

February 9, 2010

I'm going to be a model...

For one day at least! I have a friend who has a photography business and she is looking to expand her portfolio. She wanted a few people to model and I offered to help her out. She has several different ideas she is looking at but I designed my own outfit for the shoot (I hope she likes it).

I hesitated to reply when she posted looking for models, but I had typed my reply before I knew what I was doing! I almost always hate myself in photos, so I am not sure what in the world I am thinking...I just hope she has a good photo editing program, lol! But, now I am pretty happy I did and I hope to make the pictures part of Charlie's Valentine's Day gift.

The pictures are tomorrow morning and and I am stoked! I will definitely post the finished product when I get them :)

February 4, 2010


The first of the month is always crazy for me. Charlie gets paid the last day of each month, so the first week of the next month I spend paying bills and balancing our accounts; I hate it! It is really hard to live on one income and some months I am just not sure how we will make it; this month is one of those. Luckily, we will be filing our taxed Monday so, if all goes well, we will get some back. But, even a lot of that money has to go to catch us up on some things.

I have been trying to make a decision lately and I am just not sure which way to go. I currently run our store, Blessings Booktique, and am there every day. We do have two college girls that work part-time (very part-time) so I do get a couple of late afternoons to myself when I take them :)

Because we are partial owners in the store, I am currently not taking a pay check. In sight of this, my only options are these: 1. leave the store and find a full time job or 2. work a second job in the evenings. I do not want to leave the store; I love running it and I love being able to promote it in our community. I am afraid I will not be able to find an evening job because most of those are in restaurants; my back will not let me serve anymore, even though I do enjoy it.

So, I got a message today from a friend. She is getting ready to begin selling Premier Jewelry and said I should do it too. I have thought about this in the past and have actually signed up with a couple of Independent Distributor companies. My husband is not for doing this at all and he does not like any kind of "pyramid scheme" company.

I decided to speak with her about it, just so I could make an informed decision. After hearing about the company, and all they have to offer, I am really interested in selling their product. It is something I can do, even at the store. I am excited about the prospect of being able to still be at the store and also make extra money for our household!

We are supposed to be going out to eat tonight with them so they can explain the company to Charlie. I think if he knows there is no up-front, out of pocket expense, he will be ok with me selling it!

February 2, 2010

Learning about myself

When I took Lawson to Dr. Ramsey last week, he gave me the name of a book I should pick up. He said it would help me understand more about ADD/ADHD and how to help Lawson. Charlie picked the book up for me Friday and I started reading it immediately. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it but I want to do anything I can to help my little man. Boy was this a great start!

The book is Driven to Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey. Because it is so crazy around our house I have only made it the second chapter of this book. So far I have learned a lot about myself more than anything. This book is explaining to me what ADD/ADHD is and how it affects people in different ways. Because I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 80's - when there was little known about it - I do not have a true understanding of all it entails. I am learning more with each paragraph of this book.

Being that this book was written by two doctors who have ADD themselves, it is also an inspiration to me. I do not finish things I start...period. I have always been this way and I hate that about myself. I have tried to make it better but I just can't. If something has to be done I have to do it in the moment or it will not get finished. This tends to be very frustrating for me and the people around me. Even though the people who know me best know I have ADHD, they do not understand exactly what that means - apparently I do not completely understand either. 

ADD is a lot of things - too many for me to begin naming - but it is not a disease. 

Some signs of ADD are:
  • Easily Distractable
  • Low tolerance for frustration
  • Low tolerance for bordem
  • Impulsiveness
  • Forgetfulness
  • Restlestness
While these are not any where near the only signs, they are the most common. But, sometimes it is not ADD, so don't automatically assume because someone has a symptom it is ADD. Just like any disorder, there are tests that have to be done in order to say someone has ADD/ADHD.

I know as I progress in this book I will only learn more about myself and with that knowledge I am excited to continue reading. At this stage in my life I wasn't sure if the "issues" I have can be helped, but I now believe they can. As I go on this journey with Lawson, my plan is to also help myself. In order to properly help him cope with whatever comes his way, I have to learn to cope with myself as well.

I ask for your prayers as I continue to learn about ADD/ADHD. I know God will be with me every step of the way and He will lead me through whatever life will throw at me.

February 1, 2010

Our Snowy Weekend

What a great weekend it was at the Williams' house! I love when we have a weekend together and absolutely no plans. We did nothing all weekend...it was wonderful :)

Siara, my stepson Wiley's girlfriend, and I went Friday evening for her to try on wedding dresses. The plans, as of right now, are for them to be married on 5-21-2011. She went with the intention of trying on dresses but definitely found "the one" that night! The dress is beautiful and it will look amazing on her!

It had began snowing before we got to the dress shop so when that was finished we decided to go on to the house. When we got there we figured we would be there for the weekend since the weather was supposed to get worse as the weekend progressed. We spent the evening watching "How It's Made" and just hanging out together. The entire weekend was like this! We played video games, watched movies, watched tv, and ate - the whole weekend!

Sometimes you lose sight of how important family really is and then a weekend like this comes along to remind you. I love my family and I enjoy all the time I get to spend with them but sometimes I forget how much they really mean. Just being together, eating, laughing, and watching Lawson play was a great reminder of God's gifts to me. He has blessed me and my family with so much that sometimes I don't understand why I deserve it - I don't think I do. But, God is an amazing God and he knows just what we need, when we need it!